Author Archives: Dorothy Dalton

She’s Too Sexy for her Job

Women and appearance in the workplace

I’ve come across a lot of material recently about how women should conduct themselves in the workplace ranging from: smiling (too much/too little,) speaking up (too late/too quiet/too much,) stretching the rules (not enough/taking advantage,) flirting (do/don’t) and it just seemed to me yet again that women are in a double bind. Damned if they do and damned if they don’t. The final straw was when I saw an article about a woman in Citibank who was fired for being “too hot” , when the bank’s own diversity instructions and career advice for women encourages them to be more visible. But can a woman be too sexy for her job?

Beauty backlash

Reading the discussion, Debrahlee Lorenzana seems to be in a no win situation, with comments ranging from “she should dress in looser fitting clothes” to ” she was too focused on her clothes to do her job properly” , to “well she’s making a fuss about this to get into Playboy!” See below and make up your own mind.

Fired for being too hot

In a prepared statement Citibank said: “While we will not discuss the details of her case, we can say that her termination was solely performance-based and not at all related to her appearance or attire….”

Survey

In a survey contacting 60000 respondents with Elle Magazine and NMBC , 61 percent of women said they thought men judged them on their looks, followed by work ethic (54 percent) and accomplishments (49 percent). Do men ever struggle with the same quandaries about appearance and clothes?

Are they too sexy for their suits

Do they fret if their shirts are too tight or body hugging? Are bulging biceps a concern? Ladies, I said biceps! Do they worry about being fired for being too manly? Not one bit it would appear. Men feel that female colleagues judge them on work ethic first (43 percent), accomplishments (40 percent) and looks (32 percent).

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However, research indicates “both attractive men and women are often seen as more talented, kind, and intelligent and that can lead to promotions and raises,” says Gordon Patzer, author of Looks: Why They Matter More Than You Ever Imagined. Unattractive men, meanwhile, earned 15 percent less than their attractive coworkers in a London Guildhall University survey of 33-year-olds. Unattractive women earned 11 percent less. Whatever attractive means.

Advantages

So if there are lots of advantages to being good-looking it would seem short-sighted not to capitalise on a natural asset or even enhance one that is less than perfect. Like Debrahlee Lorenzana, if they’ve got it, should they make it work for them? How different tactically is it to strategic networking for example? Isn’t it about stretching the rules and being visible? Who defines the parameters of those rules anyway. Is this a case of suggesting we stretch the rules but only if it’s in a certain pre – approved (male-style) way. But how far do you go?

There is an ugly downside side to beauty in the workplace carrying certain advantages.

An increasing number of people who feel less blessed, are starting to facilitate their career opportunities with not just a makeover, but via plastic surgery , a sort of job seeker’s nip/tuck to give them that push up the corporate ladder. That could lead to a whole other “lookist elite ” sounding vaguely sci fi -ish which bothers me.

Double bind

I asked Katie a young women in her mid -20s, based in California, a beauty in anyone’s eye, how she dealt with it all. She told me ” I am very careful about my personal dress code and tend to keep it functional and neutral. I am also very mindful of the work and social divide and rarely join the guys for after work drinks, wanting to keep my business and personal personas completely separate. I want to be treated and judged only by my professional performance”

Marcia , on the other hand, tall , slim, blonde, is based in London and takes a different view. “I work in a male dominated environment. My company has a dress code which I more or less follow. I like to make a statement in the way I dress, while appearing groomed and professional. I don’t want to blend into the background, but I’m not deliberately sexually provocative. I am aware of my male associates checking me and the other girls in the office out, but I ignore it. It’s never been an issue professionally in fact it’s been helpful. People remember me “.

If you’re an attractive woman should you hide your light under a bushel or a burka?

Playing to win

So if you’re an attractive woman and use your looks to your advantage, is that strategically savvy or a cheap shot? Should you hide your light under a bushel or a burka? Men seem to feel it’s the responsibility of the women not to distract them from the task in hand with their attire or good looks, rather than take responsibility for their own behaviour and libidos. But good-looking ladies also come under fire from other women, going back to the anthropological drive to snare the best men, typically found at the top of organisations, which is sometimes even tougher to deal with. Whoever said women are too nice, clearly hasn’t negotiated the minefields found in ladies’ powder rooms. There are fewer snipers in Kabul.

So pretty women seem to get flak from all sides and each woman therefore has to find the way which suits her best and the one she feels comfortable with, whether it’s statement, visibility raising dressing, or biz neutral. But above all, she has to put in a good performance. In the meantime we can hope that cultural perceptions will change, but truthfully, can today’s women wait long enough for that to happen?

What do you think?

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10 ways women supposedly sabotage their careers!

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Career advice for women? Seriously?

My good friend Silvana Delatte sent me this link from Business Insider about a laminated sheet supposedly issued by the HR department of Citibank on how women sabotage their careers. If this is not a spoof (which I suspect it might be) then it makes interesting, if not incredible (as in unbelievable) reading.

Nowhere does it mention doing a bad job, so perhaps good performance isn’t necessary to advance a career in Citibank! This list would be infinitely less risible if the almost all male board had not been part of a group of testosterone driven mis- managers which brought global economies grinding to a halt. The subsequent government bail out was at great cost to the tax payer and impacted the lives of millions. Perhaps some of that money could be used to invest in constructive gender based management training, clearly sorely needed. I can make any number of excellent recommendations, so please contact me Citibank!

So let’s look at this list of career advice for women and analyse it!

Women tend to speak softly – you are not heard. Anyone speaking softly isn’t heard, especially in the company of people who talk too much and don’t listen! Good managers listen! Being heard is also not about the volume of the voice but the pitch. Women could be advised to reduce the pitch of their voices by half a semi-tone to sound more authoritative. But then should that make a difference? Should they even have to?
Women groom in public – it emphasizes your femininity, de-emphasizes your capability: Grooming in public is a no no – for anyone. That’s why companies have bathrooms!
Women sit demurely – the power position when seated at a table is forearms resting on a table and resting forward. Good posture in business meetings accompanied by positive body language and facial expressions, indicating engagement is a given. Nowhere, even in AskMen, have I seen any suggestions that leaning forward and appearing aggressive is a bonus. Men are usually of a bigger build than women and tend to take up space. So ladies just fill your space.

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Speak last in meetings – early speakers are seen as more assertive and knowledgeable than late speakers. Thinking before speaking and measured contribution is never to be under estimated. This is probably because the people who are making this judgement are poor listeners and have the attention span of pre-schoolers.
Women ask permission – children are taught to ask permission. Men don’t ask permission, they inform. I actually agree with this one. However polite deference is not to be confused with approval seeking and definitely preferable to arrogant bamboozling. Men also interrupt which is something that shouldn’t happen either.
Apologize – women apologize for the smallest error which erodes your self-confidence. Men tend to move into problem solving mode. I agree with this one too. Women apologise for even the smallest thing even if it’s not their fault or there is nothing to apologise for. But having said that for many the word “sorry” is missing from their vocabulary. Problem solving is not the same as admitting a mistake and dealing with it. Problem solving can be aka covering up. and /or reactive management.
Women tend to smile inappropriately when delivering a message, therefore you are not getting taken seriously Well I did some quick research on this little gem and would be interested to see the metrics on that. Women do smile more than men, mainly to soften situations that is true. Smiling would only be inappropriate when delivering extremely bad news. I seriously doubt if a woman would do that unless she really disliked the person. Then she might well do. Men and women of equal rank smile equally.
Play fair – women tend to be more naive. A women might assume the rules have to be obeyed whereas a man will figure out a way to stretch the rules and not be punished. So is the message here ladies, playing dirty is fine? May I suggest that stretching the rules was what got Citibank into its little pickle. There is surely no substitute for professional integrity. Besides the activities of the mascara mafia have been well documented. Women can and do play dirty, but target mainly other women.
Being invisible – women tend to operate behind the scenes and end up handing credit over to the competitor. This is a fair point – women have to stop waiting for recognition and step up and get out of the support roles. But then whoever is stealing their thunder should have a little more professional integrity (see above). Good managers recognise and reward.
Offer a limp handshake – one good pump and a concise greeting combined with solid eye contact will do the trick. Agree with this too except this isn’t an arm wrestling contest. I would suggest that firm contact would be infinitely preferable to “one good pump” which implies a potential dislocated shoulder.

So ladies, what advice would you give the gentlemen of Citibank?

Apart from ” Do try not to bankrupt anyone today, darling.”

Written with a smile! Please see also follow up post “Trapped! Women and the Smiling Myth”

September 15th 2010 -Update! An interesting post came across my screen today, which now makes some sense of the aforementioned problem-causing laminated sheet issued by Citibank. It isn’t a spoof , although it seemed that way. I was right to apply some cynicism.

Writing for The Thin Pink Line Blog, Lois Frankel says that this sheet has taken points from her book ” Nice girls don’t get the corner office ” completely out of context and she tries to set the record straight in her post .

I did read the book some time ago and will have to revisit it. Condensed to bumper-sticker style homilies these points seem dated and Lois was right, taken at face value they don’t make a lot of sense, so they need to be evaluated in context, which I will certainly do. On her own admission the title including the term “nice” was forced upon her by her publisher. Some of the most successful people ( corner office holders) I know have been simply all around “nice” ( male and female).

That sheet certainly aroused a good discussion!

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Updated 2021

Women and workplace bullying. Whatever happened to Jane?

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One story on women and workplace bullying

A few months ago I wrote about a client who I called Jane. She sparked my interest in workplace bullying, specifically in the bullying of women by women. It was enlightening and eye-opening. I shared my discovery experience of the whole process via a series of posts, which hopefully you are familiar with.

I examined the reasons why women bully, the methods they use, the differences compared to male bullying, how organisations deal with this phenomenon and finally what victims can do to deal with it. It started an exploration around the concept of women and workplace bullying

However, in the intervening months many of you have been repeatedly asking “Whatever happened to Jane?” Jane, you will be pleased to hear, has quietly but effectively been doing what she felt she needed to do. She asked me to wait before I shared her experiences until after she had completed her own healing process. She is now in a place where she is looking forward and has given me permission to share her story.

Facts

One of the first things I did as a coach was to research bullying, establish what it is and to decide if I felt there was a real issue of abuse in Jane’s case. I’m the eldest of 4, with an authoritarian father and my early career was spent in the steel industry, so personally, I have a reasonably high resistance to intimidating behaviour, so I have to factor that in. But after researching, there was no question in my mind – Jane was being systematically bullied and ground down. What was additionally painful for her was that her husband felt she needed to toughen up and assert herself which added to her feelings of isolation.

Here is a re-cap of her workplace bullying story. She was:

singled out for public criticism about her work and appearance
regularly called into her bosses office at 17.20 to be given additional work with tight deadlines
excluded from email circulation lists and meetings
the only person in the department not invited to a social event at bosses house
attempts to discuss had been dismissed with contempt
the HR department would only get involved if a formal complaint was made

Benchmark the case

When we started working together, I gave Jane homework.

Her first task was to carry out a health check on her own job performance. In the absence of official feedback, she felt satisfied that her own performance met expectation (surpassed it even).She noted all her major achievements during the previous 12 months and produced a list of metrics to support the contribution she had made to her department.
Her second assignment was to make her own research project on general guidelines on bullying within her company and sector and to establish where she felt her own treatment lay on that spectrum. She produced concrete evidence which indicated fairly strongly that sector and workplace guidelines and recommendations were being contravened.
This not only helped her trust her own instincts again, but also allowed her talk to her husband in a factual and neutral way about her own position. In her case, getting genuine support from him and dealing with the personal relationship issues which had arisen because of this bullying, was as significant as confronting the situation in the workplace.

Keep a log

Jane then documented the process:

She went back and tracked all the instances where she had felt bullied and began keeping a log of each new incident.
She asked precise and specific questions relating to feedback on all the issues for which she had been publicly criticised, notably her appearance and work performance. Her emails received no response but the public criticism stopped as did private negative comments. In fact she was given no feedback at all. In just a year under her new manager, she received no formal professional goals or performance review, despite numerous requests.
She also carried out an audit of the emails where she had been omitted from the distribution list and made a list of the meetings from which she had been excluded. She let all her superiors in the hierarchy know that this was happening.
She kept a tracking record of the times she was asked to work late and made suggestions for improving workplace through put. Those requests also stopped.

Resolution

I would love to say that Jane went on to talk constructively to her boss about her struggles with her managerial style, air kisses were exchanged, hands shaken and their difficulties eventually resolved as it might in a movie. But this is her story and that didn’t happen.

She had lost all respect for her boss and just wanted to put the whole experience behind her. We had also worked simultaneously on job search strategies and at the end of June, Jane was approached by another organisation and has subsequently accepted their offer.

Happy ending

In her carefully crafted and fully annotated resignation letter and later in an exit interview with HR, Jane stated clearly that bullying was the reason for her leaving. This complaint was not processed previously because it had not been formally introduced. Her manager is now being investigated internally, although Jane, somewhat cynically, doesn’t think anything will come of it as the department produces excellent results. “She’s tough but she gets things done” is the comment made of her boss.

She did hear from an ex-colleague that there was talk of introducing an intermediary (buffer) layer reporting into the departmental head, but so far that has not been made official. Perhaps creating a promotion opportunity was Jane’s legacy!

Male vs female bullying

Jane consulted a lawyer regarding suing for constructive dismissal (that is being forced to resign). Her lawyer was doubtful about her chances of winning, although she felt she had a “reasonable” case given Jane’s excellent record keeping.

Apparently it would have been stronger if Jane had been physically assaulted or yelled at publicly. So interestingly, one moment of extreme physical abuse (male style) carries more legal weight than a year of covert intimidation (female style). Stealth bullying by women is very hard to audit and to prove. Additionally, her company is a global household name and the process could have taken years.

However, she was given the option of gardening leave during her notice period because of “untenable circumstances”. Combined with her annual vacation entitlement and an unpaid “gap period”, she is touring in Asia as we speak with her husband. She starts her new job in November.

Her final words are ” It will never happen again”.

That’s her happy ending.

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Will the university of life make a comeback?

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Can careers be launched from the university of life without a formal degree?

Graduates are flooding the market in ever-increasing numbers to very uncertain job prospects, many with significant debts to pay off for the privilege. Employers are sifting through thousands of applications from candidates with soft degrees covering courses as disparate as puppetry to the ubiquitous media studies qualification. Large numbers of graduates emerge from the process with seemingly limited life skills and even basic literacy and numeracy deficiencies.

Companies complain about the difficulties of identifying talent and recruiters bemoan how woefully unprepared candidates from this age group are for the job search process. Many school leavers are fearful about incurring increasing levels of student debt. Many parents are asking me the question is it really necessary today to go to university? Could their children launch a successful career without a college degree?

My answer is – that depends.

Some sectors university education is vital

In general terms there is persuasive research that there is indeed a correlation between completed further education and anticipated future earnings. There are also specific careers where having a university education will certainly be mandatory, simply because of an absolute need to guarantee a high level knowledge base within a certain field. I’m thinking of the traditional “hard” courses: medicine, sciences, engineering or law.

I would definitely not want to have an unqualified doctor perform surgery on me, or to cross a bridge not built by an engineer or have untrained chemists create drugs (although many do – but nothing legal). There has been a proliferation of soft courses during times of prosperity and certain vocational occupations where entry previously was via school-leaving qualifications and on the job training, now require a university degree.

But will this change in harder economic times?

Not necessarily a sign of intelligence

Strong educational achievements are generally perceived, not necessarily correctly, to be a formal indicator of a higher level of general intelligence, focus and diligence. Those of us that know students, understand well that university can be about none of the above for many. But whether universities produce candidates who are better equipped for the workplace or even life itself is one of fierce debate.

Not having these qualifications does not suggest a lack of these skills or potential abilities – just a lack of proof via an education system. We all know that many successful people whether in business or other sectors did not go to university. Richard Branson, Mary Kay Ash, Bill Gates, Stephen Spielberg to name but a few. We have also been served in restaurants by waiters/waitresses with a whole string of letters after their names.

Economic change

As we have switched to what Peter Drucker describes as a ” knowledge based economy” , there has been a cultural and status shift from working with a product (hands) to working with information (the head). I’m wondering if now, as employers struggle to identify and weed out suitable talent and graduates have difficulty entering the workplace at the right level, how that will change.

Delayed maturity?

Robin Marantz Henig in an article for the New York Times “What is it about 20-somethings?” suggests that this age group are delaying the growing up process. As with most age groups my thoughts are that they are simply responding to the cultural, economic and technological developments of their time. As many countries have increased the number of students that complete further education, creating certain expectations in the process, we have recently seen a reduction of entry-level jobs with the worst economic downturn for many years.

Having grown up in a relatively prosperous period, raised by parents who are affluent enough to support their children financially, sometimes until their mid 20s, many are now more than a little lost when those job prospects don’t materialise.

Boomerang kids

They are returning to the family nest as Boomerang Kids, as home in luxury chez mum and dad, is infinitely more appealing than a lower standard house share which is what they can afford – if they can afford anything at all. The banking system obligingly indulged, or dare I say it, created, a pattern of instant gratification by giving young (non-working) people extended credit lines. Remember those ads “consolidate all your debts… go on a dream holiday now” and whole businesses grew up around a new trend for taking a gap year or even years, with parents paying thousands for their offsprings to dig a well in Africa or pick grapes in Australia. Technology has made communication instant, so they are not used to waiting ..for anything much at all, which is a source of frustration.

Uncertainty

As we move into a period of economic uncertainty where all the goal posts are being moved, workplace structures are changing and I actually suspect it won’t matter how certain skills are acquired. Further education programmes, particularly the softer liberal arts courses, will surely be cut as countries try to address the issues of chronic national debt. One thing to focus on for sure is the acquisition of real marketable skills.

This can be done equally well outside a formal education system, as well as within it. Distance and e learning are emerging forces for adding to a qualification portfolio. We are already seeing a gentle return to the creation of old school apprenticeships. What individuals do with their different experiences is what counts and that is not related to their educational level.

Many of us have interviewed enough unemployable, unintelligible masters graduates to know that to be the case. I wonder if for the first time in many years the university of life will make a comeback and lose the stigma that became attached to it.

What do you think?

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Should mentoring by executives be mandatory?

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Can mentoring reduce employee attrition?

I have recently been approached to act as a mentor to a few younger people at different stages in their professional lives. Apart from the fact that I started to feel really old, the thought of being singled out to share the benefits of my somewhat lengthy experience with younger, more junior individuals was secretly quite flattering and whole idea of being perceived as a ” savvy sage” was also something of an ego boost.

But without wishing to turn the whole mentoring process on its head, the one thing that struck me after a number of these conversations, was actually I had a lot to learn from them too. So who are the real sages? Was I less savvy than I thought and felt?

Definition

Mentoring is a relationship between an experienced and less experienced person for the purpose of supporting the lesser experienced individual in reaching their goals. Traditionally mentoring is considered to be for the benefit of the mentee and junior, younger people are often advised to seek out a senior person to support them on their career paths. Much research shows that anyone who is mentored, achieves higher levels of success than people who are not. This is true of the workplace, but equally valid outside in any context, community, or organisation. But with recent talk about the perceived lack of trust and transparency in communication in our organisations and political systems, today’s leaders are losing credibility in the ranks. So I started thinking that instead of encouraging junior employees to find a mentor – perhaps it should work the other way round.

Should executives be obliged to mentor?

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Feedback

When I started to engage with these younger and less experienced people I was instantly struck by the openness of the dialogue, but above all their insights. Clearly age and experience means that situations that were challenging 20 years ago are now only minor and routine parts of our daily lives. Repetition makes things easier and much practise makes almost perfect. But these young people have their own pool of knowledge, although possibly lack the confidence to share it as we older folk might. They lack the several decades of 20/20 hindsight to know the value of what they’ve experienced, but they do come at things from a different angle. We need that.

Lack of transparent communication

There was also more than a faint touch of cynicism and a lack of credibility in the overall ability of the leaderships of their organisations or communities, from business leaders to politicians. I have seen many recent studies from different parts of the world about the lack of employee engagement and indications that when economies settle, many intend to change jobs (65 % of Fortune 500 senior executives are concerned about this). In a recent report from Deloitte 48% cited a loss of trust in their employers, with 46 % suggesting that a lack of transparent communication from the company leadership as key factors in reaching their decisions to jump ship as soon as they could.

Out of touch

The older and more senior we are, the more we tend to stick in our comfort zones of colleagues and peers, both socially and professionally. We might make the odd sortie to the annual organisational party but for many it’s been some time since they’ve been hands on at the “coal face”.

So just how out of touch are we?

Most executives when they reach the lofty heights of senior positions are generally 20 or even 30 years removed from the grass-roots of their businesses – whatever they are. Television programmes have been made showing CEO’s plumbing the depths of their organisations incognito to find out what’s going on. The effects have been humbling, stage-managed it is true, but there nevertheless.

The mentoring process has put me more closely in touch with the experiences of a new generation. Has anything changed since my day? Regrettably in some areas not as much as I had hoped, in others, the changes have been significant. I have also tapped into a huge amount of generational information that I would never have gleaned from business books, blogs or newspaper articles.

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Pay it forward

So my suggestion would be that all relatively senior managers should be obliged to mentor a junior person, not necessarily within their own organisation to avoid accusations of bias or favouritism, but somewhere in their business world or community! It would be a sort of “pay it forward” to motivate crusty, maybe stuck in the mud, possibly faintly narcissistic or even arrogant execs, to leave their Blackberries and schedules, to take time out from the privilege, but also the isolation and stress of their senior roles. This metaphoric rolling up of shirt sleeves will possibly help in some small way to turn back the hands of time and give them a chance to literally touch base.

Looking at the top from the bottom they can at least decide what they make of the view and indeed if they like what they see.

Am I still a “savvy sage”? Possibly! But still a lot of miles on those tires and a lot to learn.

What do you think?

Women and communication: a salutary personal tale

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Wanted for White Collar Fraud

Dorothy and the suspect search consultant
On average, women use twice the number of words per day than men. Women maintain eye contact while speaking for twelve seconds vs. a man maintaining eye contact for three seconds. Women supply detail to build rapport , men speak directly in short sentences going straight for the bottom line, supplying detail as a necessary illustration to their focal points. Women need to deliver their story (as I am doing now , otherwise this post would be one sentence and how much fun would that be?) in order to get to their bottom line. We build relationships. Generally we don’t need solutions ( although perhaps exceptionally I like that) and we also need to be heard! A lot!

Communicating like a female: the story!
I was recently contracted to support an executive search consultant on a global project. He had worked for one of my major clients and had now set up his own business. In my female brain he was already someone I knew, so I didn’t make even rudimentary background enquiries before starting on the assignment. I know…I know ..big mistake.

The sting
Even the most basic research, which is something I carry out on a daily basis for other people and would certainly advise any coaching client to pursue, would have revealed a sub-text of erratic professional performance. This should have raised a number of brightly coloured red flags, complete with their poles. After some extremely inconsistent and suspect behaviour during the course of our collaboration, leaving me feeling profoundly uncomfortable, I realised that now he ran his own company, we actually had divergent business models and professional standards.

How did this even come about because as you know I’m not a shrinking violet ? After much reflection I finally wondered that it was possibly because he had always communicated with me in a female way! I was going to say like a woman, but was strongly reprimanded by Marion Chapsal. This is not a derogatory comment, but just a different style that we women seem to connect with.

The detail
My ex – associate , I suspect not unintentionally either, successfully focused on building a rapport with me over a long period, until I perceived him as a trusted contact and foolishly believed that we were in an ongoing business relationship – when actually this wasn’t the case at all! The relationship was with his previous company, so nothing concrete had been done to put him personally into that category. With 20/20 hindsight (what a gift!) I could see that in many of our networking chats over the years, initiated on the pretext of staying in touch, I had essentially provided a free consulting service. When in typical John Gray style my generosity wave came crashing down with the force of a tsunami ( I even coached him on Twitter!) I finally supplied a fee schedule.

No communication
Where are we now? He is MIA owing me a reasonably large some of money! Emails are bouncing, business addresses no longer exist, telephone numbers have been discontinued. He has even blocked me on Twitter (go figure… is there NO shame in this world? ) Lawyers and debt collectors have been consulted and a police report filed. But no doubt … I have been conned! It would appear that it’s illegal to smoke in a public place, put makeup on in the car while in a traffic jam (true… I was fined for such an act! ) – but it’s not illegal not to pay your bills.

Moral
The moral of the story is that all business relationships have to be scrutinised and thorough due diligence carried out, regrettably even with people you think you might know. My instincts are now sadly blurred. Today I’m going through a phase of viewing everyone with suspicion and caution. An acquaintance emailed me to ask me how I was doing and my first instinct was to wonder why they wanted to know. I even asked someone I normally work with on a basis of trust, to confirm a proposition in writing. Last week his word would have been sufficient. I know I will get over this reticence and revert to openness and trust, but perhaps not on the same level. It’s been an unpleasant lesson, but one I intend to learn from.

Is this all as much fun? No sadly it isn’t .

What do you think?

Grey Matters: Workplace Wisdom

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Recently I have had conversations with three very different individuals who wanted to return to the workplace for a range of reasons: Maria had recently lost her husband and saw returning to work as a way of supplementing her income and giving structure to her new life as a widow. Bob had suffered badly in the recession and had become anxious about the future. Gordon was just going crazy in retirement.

The common factor was that they were all in their late 50s! The other common element was that they were all approaching the process with a great deal of humour “If anyone asks me where I see myself in 5 years time – I tell them your guess is as good as mine! Could be up or down! The irony was that the guy interviewing me was in his mid 40s, possibly 30 pounds overweight and looked like a heart attack waiting to happen! I was too polite to ask where he might be in 5 years!”

Changing reality
However it’s not just about 3 seniors looking for work. Many older job seekers have previously complained that although anti age discrimination legislation exists in most countries, the reality of age neutral hiring practises is somewhat different. But now there does seem to be a growing and strong business case for wisdom in the workplace, with emerging evidence from many sectors suggesting that they are increasingly looking to older workers. This demand has created a group of `new elders’ – healthy and with a wisdom and strategic know-how that is making them an asset to employers. In executive search, I have also seen a willingness to consider older candidates especially as part of succession planning while younger , less experienced employees are being groomed for senior roles.

Miles on tires
Many of today’s seniors are seasoned campaigners with massive experience of a large number of economic cycles, who are not intimidated by gliches and downturns and know what to do to get out of them. They have large networks from decades in business and have experience in managing and interacting with all generations. In some cultures age is venerated and many financial institutions find it reassuring that there is a voice of wisdom somewhere in the frame, so it’s not surprising that their image as wise sages implies trustworthiness to the cynical consumers who are suspicious of Gen Y capabilities and fecklessness.

Declining birth rates mean that employers are having to start looking for employees among older workers – and for the first time, some are doing so more enthusiastically than before as social changes make older workers fitter and more adaptable than ever before. In knowledge based economies they bring significant added value, especially if they are in touch with current trends, so “age neutral” recruiting is seeing an increased acceptance.

Knowledge based economies
Charlotte Thorne, author of a report by the Industrial Society on the significance of the grey economy says: “Society and pressure groups have traditionally seen ageing as a time of loss and vulnerability, ignoring changing demographics and labour market trends which are making the over 50s a force to be reckoned with. The current requirement is for knowledge. Businesses need people who can employ their experience and understanding, their networks and their strategic vision to add value to organisations. What businesses are really after is wisdom and that puts older workers in pole position.”

But not only are 50 – somethings stepping in for the council of elders role, but changing careers altogether. Edward, with a background in finance and business consulting, turns 60 this year, always a dab hand at DIY, but with never enough time to pursue his gift and passion, has taken a different type of employment completely, with a company fitting wooden decks.

” The owner was a bit dubious about my motives to start with, but the pleasure of working outside after 40 years of being chained to a desk is very satisfying.” he told me. Would he fancy running his own company I asked? ” Yes I would, but very much as a solopreneur – it’s the change of environment that is most important and leaving the computer in the office”

New outlook
Some recent career research for the 50 somethings suggests a whole new outlook

Half (46%) of 50-plus adults in the UK say they are not too old to find their dream job and start a new career.
Almost half (45%) of adults have more life goals they want to achieve now than when they were 30.
One in five (19%) 50-plus workers are seriously contemplating a career change to fulfil a lifetime career ambition.
More than a quarter (26%) want more job satisfaction in their next career move.
For 77% that means doing something “worthwhile”.
61% of 50-plus workers want the chance to learn new skills.
One in six (16%) retired 50-plus adults want to learn a new skill

It’s about value added
Seniors are not looking for a long-term career but in today’s age, with shorter periods spent in post at all levels, 3-5 years of committed added value would not be out of step with current market recruitment and employment trends in any demographic. The length of time employees spend in jobs in today’s workplace is decreasing and we are seeing a shift in focus from possible length of tenure, to the potential to add value via strong transferable skills.

Sea change
So instead of feeling daunted by the prospect of returning to the workplace at a later stage in life or remaining there longer, we are seeing a sea change albeit a slow one, with perhaps more opportunities than before. But also the older demographic, for whatever reason, is re-assessing, re-defining and overturning previous notions about a fixed retirement age and how long, as well as the direction, any career should run.

Cleaning up workplace language: Swearing on the !@x* job

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How do changes in workplace language effect us and what is the impact of swearing on the %!@x* job?

I am no stranger to the odd expletive. I was recently defrauded by a client and I have to confess that my vocabulary was related to the legitimacy of his parentage, rather than “dash and oh dear”. Generally bad language is not an integral part of my descriptive daily vocabulary, although it would seem, if the media are anything go by, it’s on the increase everywhere, even in the workplace.

But what is the impact of that trend?

Cultural shifts

All languages have swear words, many of which are as old as the languages themselves. Their evolution is cyclical and words which were previously considered acceptable, are now perceived as pejorative. And vice versa. In western society swearing has previously been associated more with men than women.

When I first started working in the steel industry, men complained about women being in meetings because it would mean restricting their language. It was considered inappropriate to swear in mixed company and if that happened it was quickly followed by an apology. Women who swore have always been viewed more harshly than men, simply because they were perceived to have violated more societal taboos which proved to be a deterrent, at least publicly.

Changing times

However, times seem to be a-changing. Bad workplace language is moving away from building sites and fish markets to professional arenas and used by more women. Laura a lawyer in an international law firm confirms that view “ A number of things are going on. Words that were at one time considered to be strong swear words, no longer carry the same taboo as they used to. The “F -word ” is now used quite routinely in my office. It’s common place at a senior level and used in front of and by women. It is no longer considered shocking for a woman to swear”

Whether it’s because they are enjoying freedom of expression, venting , asserting themselves, mimicking male behaviour or the growth of a “laddette” culture she was unable to say.

Mini poll

I did a straw, mixed gender and generation poll amongst a group of friends and associates and this was the general feeling. Light social swearing in many contexts is now very normal practise and considered acceptable in the workplace by both men and women alike, but accompanied by some strong unwritten protocols. I see it frequently even on platforms such as LinkedIn when the f-bomb is dropped without the usual asterisk.

Caveats

These were closely related to the relationships of the people involved and the situation or environment. They also identified a hierarchy of swear words ranging from mildly profane to vulgar and abusive at the other end of the spectrum. It was the final category which my mini poll felt crossed the line into dangerous territory, with the women reacting more strongly than men to specific words. It was interesting that the younger members of my poll of both sexes had a more tolerant attitude than the older members.

Positive impact

However, some studies suggest that swearing at work is not always abusive and can actually have a positive effect helping employees cope with stress, facilitating camaraderie and effective team building. The study into leadership styles, carried out by academics Yehuda Baruch and Stuart Jenkins at the University of East Anglia, warned that attempts to prevent workers from swearing could have a negative impact, although their case studies related primarily to men.

Decline in civility

But there is also a very strong concern that an increased tolerance of swearing in organisations is becoming part of a general decline in workplace communication. This behaviour can even contribute to bullying, discrimination and sexual harassment.

Susan in her mid 30s, with a cross generational perspective works in an investment company where 80% of the department is female, considered both points “My female boss and colleagues are just as likely to swear as the guys and do so frequently! The number of no-go areas particularly amongst younger employees are much fewer than previously. Women feel they can now freely express themselves in the way that men do, but although no one feels harassed or discriminated against, oftentimes it creates an impression of a lack of basic respect which permeates through the department leading to ill feeling and stress.”

So I asked, while I tried to figure out that double standard, can I conclude that although women swear more than before, they don’t actually like being sworn at? “Yes, that’s pretty much my observation. They don’t shrug it off like men do. It’s still not an integral part of our female culture as it is with men, so in certain circumstances it goes down badly and is considered offensive and upsetting.” Susan responded.

Impact on the workplace

In The Cost of Bad Behavior by Christine Pearson and Christine Porath, they suggest that the lack of civility in the workplace, it is far more widespread than people realize and is having a profound negative economic effect to the tune of $300 billion.

With an increased incidence of women openly swearing, and the taboo of men swearing around women disappearing, to what extent does this increased tolerance of bad language contribute to the existence of stressful and hostile working environments?

The CIPD suggests “Employers can ensure professional language in the workplace by having a well drafted policy on bullying and harassment that emphasises how bad language can potentially amount to harassment or bullying.”

But will a workplace handbook be enough? This culture comes from the top. With swearing becoming more socially acceptable across the board in both men and women, how do senior managers define limits, especially in culturally diverse organisations? Or is setting a zero-tolerance policy the only workable solution?

Part of it comes by leading by example from senior men and women alike.

What do you think?

If you have issues of workplace bullying and harassment get in touch NOW

When is lunch with a STUD not a hot date?

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When a STUD is a Spouse Trailing Under Duress

I’ve just had lunch with a STUD. No, this was not a hot date, but a perfectly correct meeting with a Spouse Trailing Under Duress aka …STUD. This is an affectionately humerous moniker given in Brussels to male partners following the careers of their female counterparts.

Jim is blissfully married to the beautiful and successful Angela and has two wonderful children. They moved to Brussels from the US nine months ago with Angela’s job as a senior VP with an international fmcg company. Jim and Angela were a two career family, so they had considerable discussion before Jim finally decided to put his own career as a Sales Director in a B2B construction company on hold.

Decisions

Jim didn’t agnosie as much as as I had imagined. “There really was no duress! The opportunity, not just for Angela, but the whole family, was too great to turn down. The construction industry was badly hit last year in the US and although I still had my job, the company made many lay offs. I wasn’t sure how much longer things could go on. Career wise Angela’s sector is buoyant and is pretty recession proof. The girls will get a wonderful education at a top international school. We are here for three years and intend to maximise the opportunity. ”

Challenges

But what about his own career and professional challenges?” What I missed most initially, was the structure of a working environment and the basic interaction and collaboration with colleagues. I struggled with not being able to define myself by my profession, thinking I would be perceived negatively – but I got over that pretty quickly. I’m setting up my own internet based business , so I just say that if anyone really pushes and I’m also taking an online MBA. So combined with being a “House Dad ” I’m pretty busy. ”

I asked Jim if he was afraid that those three years might impact his career long-term?” I don’t think anyone can tell any more what will happen in three years. The economies are too uncertain. When we go back I intend to ahve additional skills and hopefully an understanding of international business. The experience is changing me I am sure and I may decide to do something completely different. I think people imagine we guys play golf and poker all day! But it’s not true. It’s also about how you sell it when you get back. I’ve read your blogs! ”

Aaah thank you! Someone reads!

Changes

I have trailed as a spouse, not once, but twice. I did not take either of those decisions lightly. because they impacted every part of my life. This was many years ago, long before global and mobility had morphed into biz speak and were simply two disconnected words in the dictionary. This was at a time when social media was just a twinkle in a cyber geek’s eye and the when I would almost knock the postman off his moped in my rush to get my letters! Remember those? Paper!

Back then it was regrettably mainly women who trailed with a multitude of organisations set up to support their assimilation. Now in dual income households where both partners have career parity and happily there are more women occupying senior roles, that is changing, but no less challenging. It’s becoming yet another interesting career transition.

Spouses and onboarding

In executive search when placing anyone internationally, I always hope that companies offer strong support arrangements for any trailing partners. Today, this can be either the man or the woman. The working partner tends to slip into an existing business structure and support network, which is quite often the same one they left behind in the previous country. All they do is go into a different office very day. This is not to diminish their challenges, but they are rarely completely isolated. So our mantra is that if the trailing spouse is happy – everyone is happy.

Each move will be unique and the success will depend on the destination country and culture, combined with the backgrounds and personalities not just of the working partner, but the whole family. I have seen many executives ask to be repatriated or even leave their companies altogether, because their partners or perhaps kids could not make the transition into an adopted country. Many marraiges end in divorce.

Some organisations will provide either relocation, outplacement or cross cultural support for the trailing spouse, because all research indicates that effective onboarding of the employee can be negatively impacted by an unhappy trailing partner. Other companies also provide allowances for language lessons, re-training and even coaching. Most countries have expat support organisations and very often national communities overseas have groups supporting incoming families.

Advice

What advice would Jim give to anyone in the same position? Consider it all from every angle. Financial, the kids, both careers, the shift in dynamics within relationships when one person who is used to working, stops, with the other one shouldering the burden exclusively. The whole family has to be committed and on board. It’s definitely not something to do if your partnership isn’t 100% sound. There are lots of challenges which you don’t have if you’d stayed at home and there is very limited network to call upon especially in the early stages. Otherwise – just go for it!”

In Brussels, the Belgian STUDS organisation is set up to deal with trailing male spouses trailing successfully under duress.

If you need supoprt with an international move – get in touch NOW!

Normalising the salary expectation question

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The salary expectation question should not be stressful

I came across a discussion on LinkedIn recently posted by J. Paige Freedland about how to handle the salary expectation question. There were almost 400 responses covering a wide range of viewpoints from all participants, some of them conflicting and contradictory.

It became very clear that what is a straightforward and routine question for recruiters and hiring managers, is in fact a huge challenge for many candidates. It also causes considerable confusion and anxiety, especially if they have been on the job market for some time.

In her learning curve from the discussion Paige distilled and collated those 400 responses and identified 3 areas which candidates should focus on:

research and preparation,
knowing your own worth
understanding your bottom line!

You can see her thoughts on that discussion around about the 400th response mark. Her summary marks her own journey through the process and is really worth reading.

Transparency

Generally speaking, the best response is openness. “I earn(ed) in the region of x and would expect something on the range of x to y , but would be happy to be flexible for the right position. When I know more about the role I will have a better idea. ”

If candidates have a sense of their own market value and follow trends, then delivering this response should not be problematic. Research can be done on line, and via network contacts either actual or other professional platforms. This is essential. No one would sell their house without knowing its market value. Why do it to yourself? This gives the recruiter or hiring manager the information they need to know immediately and sends out a message about being open to negotiate.

I ask this question in the preliminary screening to avoid wasting anyone’s time. Gay Charles, Senior Consultant & Head of Equal Talent Practice, Belux at Odgers Berndtson, with over 25 years experience in the business told me that “I rarely find candidates reluctant to discuss salary and when that happens it is usually a fair indication of lack of confidence and self belief “. If confidence is an issue, it is really worth investing in professional support to learn skills in this process.

Some points are worth noting:

Salary negotiation is simply a business process

It is a key component of any recruitment procedure. Clare Ireland, Senior Partner, Hansar International “the more experienced and mature people understand that it is a hygiene question that needs to be covered and is no less or more important than any other subject covered in an interview.”

It’s not a trick question

It’s useful to have some broad indication of what a candidate would be looking for to make a move. The easiest and simplest way to deal with this is to give a realistic range related to current earnings. Normally this is covered in the early screening processes and any attempts at evasiveness or lack of transparency, tend to raise doubts about the candidate.

Personally, I would give an interesting candidate some time to think about it and allow them to get back to me before the next stage of the process. Clare adds “In our experience we find few candidates who are evasive about being questioned about their salary. In general, hiring companies will pay what is considered fair, reasonable and fits within their salary banding system ….it is rare to find clients trying to “cheat” candidates though of course what is considered fair to them, may not be the same for the candidate”

Candidates should also be advised to take into account the total package including benefits and future opportunities.

Good candidates are rarely ruled out on salary grounds alone.

Salary tends to be the market indicator of seniority or experience (although not always) which can translates into a potentially possible lack of fit for the position (too senior or junior) with all that implies. There might be internal repercussions on the existing team for example, but candidates could also be re-approached regarding their flexibility.

If a candidate is interesting

But has a higher salary then the employer’s budget and if they are selected, negotiation begins. He/she can always decline to engage at this point. Clare elaborates “The deal will only be closed if both sides are in agreement.”

I have participated in those discussions on numerous occasions, when candidates should employ all the usual negotiating strategies. Some companies will have salary scales, and for executive positions the salary will be what you are able to negotiate.

Counter offers are almost always made, estimated at 10 -15% on initial offers, but similarly candidates do decide to withdraw. It is important to have calculated your ” floor” beforehand.

You do hear of candidates being offered low ball starting salaries but not any client I’ve ever worked with. That company would probably be worth a miss any way.

Under selling oneself can also be perceived as a negative factor

There is a certain belief that a lower than market level salary is an indication of an unwillingness to negotiate, prompting the question, if candidates can’t negotiate for themselves, then how can they negotiate for the company? This is particularly true for women, who step up to the negotiation table 6 times less than their male counter parts. Ladies see my post ” Let’s go girls… negotiate”

Transparency is beneficial

It contributes to good working relationships within the hiring process and if one occasion doesn’t work out, the next one might. Good contacts have been established for the future.

However it is always really important to emphasise the value that can be added in the future. That involves solid interview and career transition preparation. Companies will pay what their budget will allow, but they do want the best candidate .

Paige told me she had learned that “there is no perfect answer. In fact there are numerous effective answers. But I’m convinced that doing your homework and having a plan is essential in giving you confidence during the interview and being sincere in your responses.

You need to be true to yourself and you need to feel comfortable with your responses. You want the job, but not at the expense of your long-term satisfaction and future opportunities. Only you can determine what is going to work for you. If you are sincere, honest and earnest, your chances for success grow exponentially.”

That is excellent advice.

If you need help with you career transition –get in touch NOW