There has been lot of conflicting information out there linking sex and housework for a long time. Jumping rather than leaning into it, we have Sheryl Sandberg CEO of Facebook in the New York Times, who has just resurrected the concept of choreplay. That is, men should be enticed to engage in household chores as part of a woman’s gender balance strategy. Why? Because it will improve their sex lives.
Now that’s interesting. Really? Does the notion of being chained to a hot stove take on a whole new meaning? Could this be the choreplay scenario?
It’s not rocket science
It’s no wonder people are flocking to see 50 Shades of Grey in their millions. House work is boring and repetitive, everything most couples would want to avoid in a their sex lives, one would have thought. Working with Adam Grant of the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania, Sandberg references research indicating that men who participate equally in domestic responsibility have happier partners and more successful relationships. And wait for it… more sex.
Using research by Constance T. Gager and Scott T. Yabiku Sandberg maintains that men and women who work hard seemingly play hard. There have also been a number of other studies dating back a few years, that suggest that couples have sex more often when men participate equally in housework.
Seduction tool?
But I would put money on it, rather than fantasies of their partner wielding a feather duster, it’s having the time and energy to think about sex (and enjoy it) as well as feeling valued that would be the turn on. Good sex certainly beats fixing the packed lunches, sorting socks or arranging after school play dates. If you prefer the latter, now might be the time to make an appointment with a relationship coach.
Besides I suspect a man who wants to get jiggy with the vacuum cleaner, is possibly more motivated by the sex, than the notion of gender balance.
So the latest extension to the Lean In brand to suggest that gender equality will be served by literally seducing men into housework, with the promise of better sex lives is ridiculous. What are they? 1st grade? Finish your vegetables and you’ll get dessert?
Men should do this because they love and respect their partners and value their skills and experience. They also believe it’s right and if they have any sense at all, will know well, that relationships where one partner is tired, angry, stressed and resentful is headed for those three passion killing words “not tonight darling”
It’s not just about women
But importantly sharing domestic responsibilities releases men from their own gender stereotype roles. Increased involvement in parenting makes men more patient, empathetic and flexible, with a reduced risk of substance abuse. When dads spend more time with their kids higher levels of job satisfaction are reported, as well as other health benefits
Not forgetting that most couples need two incomes – which the Sandbergs clearly don’t.
They simply have to find a way of pulling together.
If your organisation want better gender balance – get in touch now.
